baby number two

Sunday, June 28, 2015

The dark.
Snakes and reptiles.
Cotton balls.
Scary movies.
Being general.

My "things I'm scared of" list could go on for days. I'm kind of {really} a big wimp, but as long as my list may be, what's topping it right now is a little thing that's roughly the size of a grapefruit, about 11" long, and weights a whopping 1 pound(ish).

There are days where I sit on the couch, in the rare quiet during Saydee's nap, watching this tiny little miracle move around inside my growing belly. I sit enamored, wondering if it's a boy or a girl, still in shock that there is a miniature human growing inside my body. 

Then there are days, most days, where I watch my precious, crazy Saydee. I watch her running, learning, talking, and there is not a thing in the world I would trade for the special bond that we share. That's when it creeps in. The fear.

If you're a parent, you know the unexplainable, incomprehensible love that you have for your child. Saydee is my life. She is more often than not, the first person I see when I wake up and the last I see before I sleep. She's my little sidekick, my tiny best friend, and my love for her is boundless.

It's not the labor or delivery, the sleepless nights, or managing an almost-two year old and a newborn that scares me. I'm scared for the perfect, beloved baby I am growing. I'm scared that I won't be able to give them the love that they so terribly deserve . I'm scared that my heart isn't big enough for my soon to be family of four. 

The thought of having as much love for another child as I do for my daughter is unfathomable.


I never knew that I could love this much until I had Saydee.

I never thought it was viable that I could love Eric any more, until I saw him holding our sweet baby girl in his arms.

And I am amazed at how much my love for these two continues to grow unceasingly.

Though I can't begin to imagine it now, I know my heart will grow. My family of four will be more perfect than I could ever envision, and Saydee will be the most incredible big sister to a baby who we will love with more love than one knows possible.

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  1. Kaycee,

    I know the fear you are talking about. I had it too. Mine was a little different as a dad instead of a mom. But I can tell you at least from my experience that it does go away at some point. Mine are 7 and 5 and I can tell you honestly that they are both the joys of my life, equally. But it did take some extra bonding time at the beginning. It was different from the first time. And back then I chalked it up to the fact that my first was a boy, so that was easy. My second was a girl, and I was so scared! I didn't know anything about raising a girl, how could I even relate to her? But then I had to remind myself that just two years before, I knew nothing about raising a boy either! At some point the instincts just take over and it comes natural. But the bottom line is boy or girl, first child or second, after some time passes they will both have your heart equally, and more than you ever could have imagined.


    1. Thanks so much for sharing Mac. It's definitely comforting to hear, and I know that everything will turn out so great! I'm sure your bond with your daughter is stronger than you thought possible. There's just something about little girls and their daddies :)

  2. This was also my biggest fear when I was pregnant with #2. We had prayed for a second baby for so long and when I finally got pregnant, my excitement turned to fear which turned to guilt. My boys are 4 years apart and I had no clue how I was going to add another person into the mix when we were determined Heavenly Father planned for us to be just a family of 3 (that's why I felt guilty). My first son and I did everything together and then I felt like we were going to be intruded upon. I expressed my concerns to one of my visiting teachees and she assured me everything would fall into place. And sure enough, once #2 arrived, it was like he had always been there. Now that #1 is starting kindergarten in a few months, I'm so stinkin' grateful I have another little friend I get to spend one-on-one time with.

    1. Love that Kimberly! I'm sure you're ready for some of that special one-on-one time with your littlest! What a blessing these kids are :)